Tuesday 12/6 ... Documenting the day.

I really don't like complaining.. but this blog was for documenting my experience so here we go.. (I apologize ahead of time).

Today I feel much more lethargic, I feel like I can't move. I ran out of breath getting dressed, caught it, ran out of breath getting Kobe ready to go outside, caught it.. and thus seems the pattern of the day. I'm getting so annoyed and frustrated with myself today. I keep forgetting my thoughts, I have to keep that consistent inner-monologue or I forget what I am doing.... like now. I have this visual of Wile. E Coyote from Looney Tunes places an ACME weight on my shoulders and every move I make it's making it incredible hard. I want to fall asleep while writing this but I don't want to forget to get this down. My chest is tight, sharp pains as usual, trying to stay positive but feeling pretty down today. I feel bad that Greg is basically going through this too because I am so useless. I'm having thoughts like "why doesn't he just leave me", "hes going to leave me", "who would ever want to be with something like me?", "every one should just leave me be because I'm useless". Obviously not my normal thought process. I keep trying to tell myself it's just poison in my body and once I get it out I'll be back to normal.

Been taking the aloe, chelation (sp?), fish oil (omega 3's), vitamin d, b12, calcium and emergenC's when I remember. I felt a little better yesterday except the pain but today I am telling myself is just the "getting worse before it gets better day".

Going to call Kaiser - not much hope there but figure it's best to keep documenting there too.

Thank you for all the support, prayers & love. I really appreciate it. It keeps me going through the day :)

Sorry for the negative tone in which I have been writing, I hope it passes soon. I figure I might as well blog honest otherwise what's the point of this?